The Shamrock Shuffle:
​A Saint Patrick's Day Satirical Saga

Chapter I: The Countdown Begins

In the heart of our quaint New England state, nestled snugly between the hills and valleys of ledge and river, lies the small city of Waterbury.  And as March approaches, the anticipation for Saint Patrick's Day starts to brew like a pot of strong Irish tea.  Hopeville looks a little happier; the air feels a little more playful - despite a governing tranistion from an Irish capo to a Pole.

Meet our protagonist, Seamus O'Malley, a man whose love for Saint Paddy's Day is only surpassed by his love for a good pint of Guinness.   Born in Waterbury, his mother - a Gil Martin girl, and his father - originally from the Hamilton’s neighborhood of White City, Out East, proudly pains for the odiforous pixie celebration to fill his Hopeville home with camaraderie and clatter.  

Seamus is a middle-aged fabricator in one of the Brass City’s few remaining industrial companies.  He is well-known in local pub circles, with a DNA-enriched penchant for sarcasm and a knack for stirring up mischief.  Ever-wearing Dockers or dickies, he and his friends subconsciously put themselves in slightly loose shirts - ensuring that never shot nor tankard be restricted from the uplifting of brew.

As the calendar flips to March 1st, Seamus begins his annual ritual of preparing for the grandest day of the year.  He dusts off his lucky green hat, polishes his collection of shamrock pins, and sets out to gather the necessary ingredients for his famous corned beef and cabbage.

Seamus, and all worthy of the 4-leafed lucky clover, know that the corned beef is a mere substitute for the more Irish-traditional pigs’ bacon.

Alone, he will make the meal - complaining at every second’s passing, while grinning like a leprechaun twinkling with hungry and proud eyes.  Seamus knows that his 3 sons and 1 daughter will be there in mere days from now, with kids and tykes in tow.  ​

​His wife, Maria Incoranata Angelica Scozzafacinellini - of the Town Plot Hill clan, will simply prepare the espresso for her daughters-in-law arrival, as she will shake her head in disbelief at how a meal can have no pasta and fewer than 7 courses, and she will roll her eyes at her husband’s childish joy. 

---

Chapter 2: The Feast of Feasts

On the eve of Saint Patrick's Day, Seamus invites his motley crew of friends over for a night-before pre-celebration feast.  On their way, stomachs growling and mouths salivating, they barely notice the Italians (each suspiciously donned with a spot of bright orange) and Puerto Ricans driving by, who are all making the sign of the cross at any of the 30 cemeteries, 2 hospitals, countless churches throughout the Time Capital of the World, and prominent Cross amid Holy Land atop Abridagdo Hill.  The table is laden with hearty Irish fare - steaming pots of colcannon, trays of soda bread, and, of course, Seamus's prized corned beef.

"Ah, nothing like a bit of corned beef to soak up the ale", Seamus declares, brandishing a carving knife with the flourish of a seasoned butcher.

Despite the sad discontent over the disappearing of "the Outside Inn", which, under a different name, now serves up an odd Italian dish called "pizza", Irish life will continue.  The evening is filled with laughter, banter, and the clinking of glasses as Seamus regales his guests with tales of Saint Patrick's Days past.  There's Liam, the local pub owner with a booming voice and an endless supply of whiskey; Bridget, the fiery redhead with a quick wit and an even quicker temper; and Declan, the scholarly type who prefers a good book to a rowdy bar.

As the night wears on and the ale flows freely, Seamus leads his friends in a spirited rendition of "Danny Boy," their voices rising and falling, and bodies swaying, like the waves of a stormy Irish Sea.

---

Chapter 3: The Parade

​The sun rises on Saint Patrick's Day, casting a golden glow over the sleepy streets of Waterbury’s Out East District, touching the Cross first.  But while the rest of the town is still rubbing the sleep from their eyes, Seamus is already out and about, donning his green top hat and leading the charge to the annual parade.

The streets are alive with the sound of bagpipes and the fluttering of green flags as the parade winds its way from the Ancient Order of Hibernians through down town, and back.  Floats adorned with shamrocks and leprechauns trundle along, while dancers in traditional Irish garb twirl and leap with reckless abandon.  The Pipe and Drum Corps so spiritually pound that even the crows of Pine Hill watch in wonder.

But amidst the revelry, Seamus can't help but notice the absurdity of it all.  "Sure and isn't it a grand thing to celebrate our patron saint by dressing up like fools and drinking ourselves daft?" he quips to anyone who will listen.
​

Chapter 4: A Family Affair

As the evening of Saint Patrick's Day wears on, Seamus's humble abode transforms into a bustling hub of activity.  The aroma of simmering corned beef and cabbage fills the air, drawing in his parents, his siblings and their families, and Seamus's three sons and one daughter, along with their spouses and children, for the much-anticipated feast.

First to arrive is Seamus's eldest son, Patrick, with his wife Mary and their three rowdy children in tow.  Patrick bears a striking resemblance to his father, with a twinkle in his eye and a mischievous grin.  Mary, a no-nonsense woman with a heart of gold, bustles about the kitchen, offering to help Seamus with the final preparations.  

Next comes Esther, the middle child, with her partner-in-marriage Sean by her side. Soon after, Steven and family arrive - he is the spitting image of his mother, with a gentle nature and a penchant for storytelling.  Sean, a dashing young man with a quick wit, regales the group with tales of his own Saint Patrick's Day adventures - less fantastical, yet still unbelievable, than our host Seamus.

Bringing up the rear is Seamus's youngest son, Ryan, a scholarly type with a keen intellect and a dry sense of humor.  He arrives with his wife Fiona, a another fiery redhead with a passion for cooking, and their two precocious children.  Ryan and Fiona immediately get to work setting the table, while their children dart in, out, and about the house like playful leprechauns.

As the family gathers around the table, Seamus can't help but feel a swell of pride in his chest, although he’s not sure if it isn’t just gas.  Here they are, his beloved kinfolk, all together under one South End roof to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day in true Irish fashion.

"Dig in, everyone!" Seamus declares, raising his glass in a toast.  "May this meal be as bountiful as our blessings, and as rich as our heritage."

And with that, the feast begins in earnest.  Plates are piled high with steaming mounds of corned beef and cabbage, bowls of colcannon are passed around, and the air is filled with the sound of laughter and conversation.

As they eat and drink and belly-laugh together, Seamus feels a teary sense of gratitude wash over him.  For in this moment, surrounded by his loved ones, he knows that he, and his culture, are truly blessed by the Roman San Patrico.

And so, as the night wears on and the last scraps of food are cleared away, Seamus sits back in his chair with a contented sigh.  The family dog, a beagle/chiwawah mix, named Irish Luck, is finally fed a bit of that corned beef that he’s been panting to ingest.  Although Saint Patrick's Day may be drawing to a close, the memories of this day will live on in Seamus’ heart forever.

---

Chapter 5: The Aftermath

​After a quick mass at his Saint Patrick’s Parish, in that Lithuanian Brooklyn neighborhood, the reality of life in a city of multiple Little Italy neighborhoods, sets in.  

As the sun sets on Saint Patrick's Day - earlier in the shadow of Clark Hill, Seamus finds himself nursing a rather impressive hangover and questioning the life choices that led him to this point.  With a familiar head pounding like a relentless bodhrán and a stomach churning like a stormy sea, he wonders if perhaps he should have shown a bit more restraint in his celebrations.  And that thought fleeds away like the rush of the Mad River conjoining the Naugatuck River at the intersection of the Bristol neighborhood and the Gil Martin flats.

But despite the pounding in his head and the queasy feeling in his stomach, there's a twinkle of satisfaction in Seamus's bleary eyes.  For in the midst of all the chaos and revelry, he has found something truly special - the camaraderie of friends from the night before, the warmth of community throughout the sprite season, and the joy of celebrating life's simple pleasures among and amidst his closest bloodline.  There's a glimmer of fondness for the chaos and revelry of the day.  It's the kind of paradox that San Patrico himself might appreciate – finding joy in the midst of mayhem, and humor in the face of a hangover.

And so, as he raises a glass to toast the day's end, Seamus can't help but smile.  For though Saint Patrick's Day may be over for another year, the memories will linger on, like the aftertaste of a well-aged whiskey: sweet and lingering.  “Cheers to that”, he thinks, and to many more Saint Paddy's Days to come.  [Relieved is Maria Incoranata Angelica Scozzafacinellini, now that she can re-take her kitchen and go back to proper 7-course Sunday meals like a true self-respecting paesana.]

Corned Beef and Cabbage:

Ingredients:

- 1 corned beef brisket (about 3-4 pounds)
- 6-8 cups water
- 1 onion, peeled and quartered
- 3-4 cloves garlic, minced
- 2 bay leaves
- 1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns
- 1 head of cabbage, cut into wedges
- 4-6 large carrots, peeled and cut into chunks
- 4-6 large potatoes, peeled and quartered

Instructions:

​1. Rinse the corned beef brisket under cold water to remove any excess brine.

2. Place the brisket in a large pot and cover it with water. Add the onion, garlic, bay leaves, and peppercorns.

​3. Bring the water to a boil over high heat, then reduce the heat to low and let it simmer, covered, for 2-3 hours or until the meat is tender. Skim off any foam that rises to the surface.

4. Once the meat is tender, remove it from the pot and set it aside to rest.

5. Add the cabbage, carrots, and potatoes to the pot with the cooking liquid. Bring the water back to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and let it simmer, covered, for about 20-30 minutes or until the vegetables are tender.

6. While the vegetables are cooking, slice the corned beef brisket against the grain into thin slices.

7. Once the vegetables are tender, remove them from the pot with a slotted spoon and arrange them on a serving platter.

​8. Arrange the sliced corned beef on top of the vegetables and serve hot, with mustard or horseradish on the side if desired.

Colcannon

For those of the un-Irish sort, Colcannon is a traditional Irish dish made with mashed potatoes and either cabbage or kale. Here's a simple recipe:

Ingredients:
- 2 pounds potatoes, peeled and cut into chunks
- 1/2 head of cabbage, shredded (or substitute with kale)
- 4 tablespoons unsalted butter, divided
- 1 cup milk or cream
- Salt and pepper to taste
- Optional: chopped scallions or chives for garnish

Instructions:

1. Place the potato chunks in a large pot and cover them with cold water. Add a pinch of salt to the water.

2. Bring the water to a boil over high heat, then reduce the heat to medium-low and let the potatoes simmer for 15-20 minutes or until they are fork-tender.

3. While the potatoes are cooking, melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the shredded cabbage (or kale) to the skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until it is wilted and tender, about 5-7 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

4. Once the potatoes are cooked, drain them well and return them to the pot. Mash the potatoes with a potato masher or fork until they are smooth and creamy.

5. In a small saucepan, heat the milk or cream and remaining 2 tablespoons of butter over low heat until the butter is melted and the mixture is warm.

6. Gradually add the warm milk mixture to the mashed potatoes, stirring until the potatoes are smooth and creamy. You may not need to use all of the milk mixture, so add it a little at a time until you reach your desired consistency.

7. Stir the cooked cabbage (or kale) into the mashed potatoes until well combined. Taste and adjust the seasoning with salt and pepper as needed.

​8. Transfer the colcannon to a serving dish and garnish with chopped scallions or chives, if desired. Serve hot as a side dish with your favorite Irish meal.

CBD Oil

​All parties in this article are fictional.  This article may have been written in part by the assistance of Art Intel.  Images by Image Creator.